Lyndsey's Musings and Misadventures

Bushwacking through Alaska.

2011-12-06T17:47:00.000-08:00

If Robert Frost took the road less traveled by, than teaching (either emotionally disabled teenagers or a really cute horse it mattereth not) is like bush whacking through the untamed Alaskan wilderness. Every day is a new experience that forces me to "do the next best thing" or try to do the next best thing based on my limited knowledge. What exactly do you do when a student calls you THAT? How do I let that student know my love for her when she has walls that are 10 feet high and 20 feet deep? How do I get through to the child who just can't learn or so they say? Luckily most of it has come pretty naturally except one thing...

Authority. Authority and I are not friends as I rediscovered as I perused through old news papers with scathing editorials. And what is just as difficult as giving heed to authority... being authority. If I could ask for one Godly attribute just one... it would be balancing justice and mercy. What I have learned, atleast in theory not necessarily in practice that justice can often be more kind than mercy. Justice is what motivates us to do better, to be better and to make change. Change is rarely wrought when we are comfortable and lets face it mercy helps us be comfortable. However. it is difficult to levy those tough consequences when my students are a mirror to my own soul. I remember what it feels like to me them. Empathy can be an amazing attribute in teaching, one that many lack. But it also can be a hinderance. But then I read "The far away horses" by Buck Brannaman, an adult child of abuse.He said the very best thing you can do is provide an abused child is authority. I hope I learn fast. I have lives to literally try and save ( you know with the help of God and all I am not that arrogant)

Working with a trainer to break my horse (I bought a little mare last month and I am in love) has been a learning experience but not the one I expected it to be. You see she is the exact opposite of my students and me she is perfectly obedient and trusting. Even when the trainer did something that scared her she still trusted him. When I got on her back and made mistakes she was kind to me and chose not to buck when she probably had every right to. I felt unworthy of this love and kindness and was worried that I would somehow fail her very special equine spirit I know that she can feel my insecurities and my mistakes. Animals are more perseptive than we are. But I also hope she can feel the tremendous love I have for her. But in reality if I love her the way I say I do I will rise above those insecurities and be the benevolent leader that she so desperately needs to feel safe in this world.

You see teaching ( whether it is emotionally disabled teenagers or horses it mattereth not) will teach you more about yourself than anything else save it be parenting because in the process you learn about your strengths and weaknesses. You are thrust out of your comfort zone and into a very difficult world. I just hope as Katherine Graham says that as I "step off this ledge" I manage to "land on my feet."

All Gods Critters got a place in the choir including Mormon Feminists

2011-08-08T18:52:00.001-07:00

While in college, in open rebellion of the idea of Mormon women staying home with children and embodying what I viewed as a pernicious and limiting set of gender roles, I proudly planted a bumper sticker on my xterra that said "well behaved women rarely make history". Everyone on my small campus knew me and my bumper sticker. You can imagine my shock when I learned in history class that the quote was in fact penned by a Mormon mother of 5. After I finished audibly gasping I smiled at Gods sense of humor. Laurel Thatcher Ulrich , was in fact a young Utah bride, who was able to raise five children while pursuing a masters and PHD in history. She is most famous for her groundbreaking work A Midwives Tale where she brings to life the diary of 18th century midwife Martha Ballard. Ulrich has had a tremendous career and currently teaches at Harvard University. As an irrelevant side note, friends who are very interested in midwifery should go to Barnes and Noble or Ebay and order said book immediately. Okay tangent done.

Recently, I came across a book called "All Gods Critters got a place in the choir" a set of essays and letters by Ulrich and Emmy Lou Thayne, a professor at BYU, accomplished poet, a mother of a bunch of kids, and author of our LDS hymn "Where can I turn for peace." I was very excited to read the musings of two LDS feminists and intellectuals on life and the church. What I did not expect was to find two chapters on visiting teaching and loving ones neighbor. Was it possible to be a feminist and love Relief Society even though it advocated the stringent gender roles I despised? According to them it was. I continued to read and felt the same way that I felt when I read the founding fathers. Like I was listening in on a private conversation and hanging on every word sucking in the wisdom and the knowledge. I soon learned that a feminist could be anyone from a mother with 5 children to a business executive. It meant so many things and had so many aspects to it. But the basic premise is that feminists are those who "deplore teachings philosophies or attitudes that deny women their stature as human beings" under this definition I would hope that we all would define ourselves as feminists and that we as a church should strive towards "equal worship" as Ulrich argues. I think we often forget that Mormon women played an integral role in first wave feminism as women fought for suffrage. And then there was Emma Smith who was extremely educated, sharp tounged, a gifted midwife successfully navigated a complicated legal system and broke just about every 19th century gender stereotype imaginable. The real Emma is far more interesting than the enigma we have built around her.

What I learned from this book is that there are others in the church who think like me and some that are different and that is okay . Ulrich is actually more liberal than I am, as she is openly pro-choice I must say after reading her reflections on being pro-choice and Mormon. I understand her viewpoint. But I also think it is okay to be a pro-life, Mormon Feminist. There are many different kinds of Mormon women, and many different kinds of feminists. We need to coexist together and enjoy the music our beautiful choir creates.

She's Gone County! Look at them boots! Oh and I have something almost positive to say about Relief Society

2011-05-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

There was a time when I would not get dirty or wear anything that wasn't from Anne Taylor Loft. I was concerned with fancy restaurants, handbags, being in charge and meeting the wealthy and powerful in my connected city. When I graduated I wore the fancy clothes, planned 40,000 dollar parties and ate at 50 dollar a plate restaurants. When my fantasy became my reality when I worked in the marketing department at a high profile law firm. I hated it. I would sit at my desk yearning to be outside. I wanted to return to an agrarian society. Anything to get my away from my desk. I read books like Animal Vegetable Miracle and revolutionary housewives a book about women who had in fact returned to a simplified farming lifestyle. I called it my republican hippie earth mother stage and considered being a doula ( still have all the books if anyone is interested in natural child birthing practices).

The last two weeks I lived my dream of working on a ranch. A horse ranch that is and it was as wonderful as I thought it would be. I was asked by my barn to help a group of boy scouts get their horse merit badges and again to help a group of soldiers learn team building.

I found myself chasing cows ( and sometimes chasing them on horseback for fun don't tell PETA!) , feeding horses, bottle feeding a baby goat, chasing escaped horses, catching horses as they were herded by the dogs from the field, tying them, grooming them and feeding them. And that was all before the boyscout showed up at 9:30! That's when I got to put my teacher hat on. I demonstrated how to groom horses, clean feet, safety, how to saddle and put a bit and bridle on. Then I got to show them how to ride. I cannot put into words how rewarding it was to walk amongst 20 horses and teach something I loved so much with those boys " you're pulling her bit too hard!" "You can do it, see I told you excellent job" It was the most exciting classroom I have ever taught in. I also found that I LIKE PHYSICAL LABOR. It felt so natural and rewarding to me.

And amongst all that beauty I had a revelation or as Oprah ( I am going to miss her) would put it an "ahah" moment. My instructor pulled my aside and said "Ms Lyndsey you have so much raw talent and yet you wont be an excellent rider until you learn to love and trust yourself." For some reason my mind made a connection between my lack of love for myself and my loathing or Relief Society ( probably had some divine help there) . I think some of my animosity towards Relief Society are feelings of inadequacy. I will NEVER NEVER be able to bake. I will ALWAYS probably drop the F bomb at least half a dozen times a week and I will always struggle to be warm, kind, share the gospel, share any sort of feelings, get emotional about anything or remember to read my scriptures. I say anything and everything that pops into my mind and will always think the DC second ward relief society beautification committee is the epitome of retarded. I do not fall into the typical Mormon gender stereotype and never will. But as I thought of all those qualities either I will not have or will always struggle to have I thought of my good traits. And then Cassy the cat ( who is typically afraid of people) crawled into bed with me under the covers curling in a ball next to me. I have a gift with animals, I get to go on cool adventures. I can survive just about anything and do it well. I can look at a problem logically without any emotion and make a good decision. I have good qualities. And I would not trade one of them for any of the stereotypical Mormon female traits I felt I lacked. I could exist in relief society as myself and not feel like I needed to bother with the cultural mold some of which I believe was more of my perception. I could be comfortable enough with myself to be different and rogue without having to attack others. Novel idea. By being me maybe I could help other girls be comfortable with themselves and we can expand the definition of what it is to be a Mormon woman. I think we have already made great strides in that direction. I love watching the stories of diverse women on Mormon.org. Despite wasting time and money on beautification committees.

I love how lessons come from the most unusual places.

I graduated

2011-05-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

Grad school has totally taken away my ability and desire to write. However I feel like I should commemorate my graduation so here are two top 5 list

Five funniest classroom comments:

1) Student: Ms. Thackston do you have a husband or boyfriend?
Me: no
Student: that is okay you are not 40 so that doesn't make you pathetic but between us girls it might help if you get a v neck shirt and a good push up bra!

2) Ms. Thackston is my favorite cracker
Me: Gee thanks I think
Student: Oh snap you heard that!

3) Ms. Thackston if there is a terrorist attack or someone shoots president Obama don't sit there and ask stupid questions like a white person, just run!

4) While watching freedom riders: Oh look it is Ms. Thackston

5) Me: Who got pistol wipped?
Student Oh man you heard that!

5 lessons I learned.

5) Kids need structure and consistency and yes rules
4) If you don't have confidence you will fail
3) Do not walk into a predominantly African American and Latino school and think you can teach without learning about cultural differences and making your content culturally relevant. It makes you both an eethnocentrist and a crappy teacher.
2) Many aspects of other cultures and races are actually BETTER than WASP culture
1) Its not about you it is about the students.

The education of a horse training teacher

2011-03-01T17:54:00.000-08:00

My alarm goes off at 5:15, I pull myself out of bed, slip on something authoritative and professional and head to Baltimore where I teach 80 high school students world history. Well, attempt to. To my surprise teaching isn't as easy as they make it sound in the text books. I can 't pull a Michelle Phiffer and write "I am a marine" on the black board and expect my inner city students all fall in line.

In the last 4 weeks of full time teaching I have learned the most difficult and most effective way there is to learn, empirically. Every day I make mistakes. Some large some small. Every day I loose control of my class, sometimes for 5 minutes sometimes for the entire period. I jumble words, teach incorrect content, have poorly planned lessons and have told students to wait until they are out of my class to start fighting. But thankfully at the end of the day my sage cooperating teacher fixes the messes I make in a way that helps me save face and gently teaches me do better the next day. Then a student says something beyond their years or I get an excellent teaching observation back and I have hope that all of my mistakes are not in vein. I will one day become a good teacher and be able to enrich young minds despite the systemic hurdles in place. Learning to teach is just like learning to live. Trial and error, and praying to God that you at the end of the day you can say you did some good.

I am learning that when you teach you wear your emotions on your sleeve. Students find your insecurities and capitalize on them. For example last week I had a student tell me I had an ugly smile. Not to mention the look of desperation I get when I loose control of the class. Luckily, God knew this would happened and created a plan. You see several months ago I felt drawn to a horse (zip). I didn't know why. He had some severe training problems and tried to buck and rear me off, not to mention several attempts to bite me. His owner wanted to sell him. But I begged her to keep him and lease him to me and even offered to pay for training. I questioned my sanity more than once. But I knew if I didn't pursue it I would always wonder what the draw was. Why was this horse to be in my life?

So I found a trainer whose horse philosophy I liked ( I knew he wouldn't teach me to beat the hell out of a horse) and was a special education teacher for many years so I knew he would have the patience to teach me. Well my insecurities were as apparent in the training ring as they are in the classroom.I needed to be consistent and firm, but I was to afraid to. What if I am wrong? What if I yell at the wrong kid? What if I punish a horse and he didn't deserve it? What if I put his halter on wrong and hurt him? Like the horse my students pick up on my fear. My trainer knew how to fix this problem. He asked me to hop on the back of a horse with no saddle. This wasn't a big deal I love riding bareback. But I forgot there were no reins, until I got on. "I don't trust you" I protested as he sent me around the pen with the only thing controlling 15oo pounds of horse being his voice and a whip.

"This has nothing to do with trusting me." he said "You don't trust yourself." And with that the last 25 years of my life made sense. He was right. I know how to sit a buck or a rear and get off a horse if I need to in an emergency. I know how to fall so I reduce my odds of getting hurt. Just as I know how to handle a class. I just didn't trust myself to do it. So with a little bit more encouragement I gave up fighting the situation, worked through my raw fear and closed my eyes. You know what? I understood the horses movements completely differently. I learned more in 5 minutes than I could have learned in probably 4 months.

Three hours later I hopped on Zip, won and epic power struggle with him and had a completely different horse of my hands. Lesson learned. My students better watch out. Class is about to change drastically!

A Thomas Jefferson Education

2011-02-05T18:36:00.001-08:00

It doesn't take a teacher or a parent to realize our education system is broken. Our students don't know basic essential facts upon graduation, our 4th graders can't read, and we are rapidly slipping behind other countries. Politicians have clamored for 20 years since Nation at Risk a study on the decline of US education came out. We have recently seen policies from the last two administrations that claimed they would be a silver bullet to bring about reform.

As a teacher I have often asked myself "What are my students learning?" "Are they learning anything?" Well this week I got the answer to that question as my 30 year veteran cooperating teacher gave a test and the class average was 60 that is 60 percent. They aren't

Oliver Demille, in his book, a Thomas Jefferson education believe that we can teach students to be thinkers and leaders through reading classic literature, then engaging in meaningful conversation with a mentor not to be confuse with a teacher, writing about it and then applying the lessons they learn to real word experiences. You can read more about his philosophy here.

I think that his solution is an answer but not the answer. It is clear that textbooks have made school a game where you learn to succeed and get an "A" without having to think at all. It is a problem a huge problem. I received a great books liberal arts education and about 50 percent of the time we read classics and the other portion of the time we had traditional classes and we did have lectures (Demille is against lectures). I felt like I graduated with the ability to think analyze, read and write. In contrast I have attended grad school where we predominately use text books and have become very disillusioned with higher educations. I feel like I learned nothing and wasted money and time. In fact I stopped reading these text books halfway through and my GPA actually INCREASED. Classic literature can teach us a lot and is a very effective mechanism for teaching thinking. Great thinking turns to great writing and an educated population. We lack the ability to write and form an argument. This can been seen in our editorial pages as people have stopped attacking arguments and now just sling mud. It is easier it takes less mental energy and makes the most money.

Classical education isn't for everyone. Some people don't have the devotion or interest to read these challenging texts. They don't want to be leaders they want to be trained for a job and move on with their lives. And that is okay. People are moved and motivated by different things. Because we have more jobs that fit that description than leadership positions that is probably a good thing. He also doesn't create a plan for students who have learning challenges and may never be able to read classics. He also assumes that children have two parents at home and both are supportive of their child's education. I teach in Baltimore not Utah thank you very much.

My second critisism is that in our global technologically advanced world we can't learn everything for classics. For example, Demille is VERY sloppy with his research. He throws out statements for instance "Studies show that students who read later become lifelong readers." but does not cite his study. For all I know it could have been a study of his children or in his living room. This is not an isolated incident in his book Apparently the classics didn't teach him how to do research. It is something you must learn from a book, the Internet or a teacher. I feel like some Technology and Science fields will be the same. You can't teach DNA using Copernicus because DNA is something we just discovered.

I also take issue with his list of classics. My sister brought home One Flew over the Coo's Coo's nest written by a man tripping on LSD in a mental institution.. This was the book she would be analyzing and has been deemed a classic. It is garbage. On the Other hand Demille chooses books that only relect the White Anglo Saxon protestant man's life experience. He doesn't look to some of our great Latino, African American, or Asian works. He also represents very few female authors. There is a happy medium here. I think Demille's lose definition of a classic is great for choosing good books. Books that have withstood time and denounce evil and glorify good. Therefore we can adapt the idea of classic to our own understanding.

So what do we do with Demille? I think we need to start reading more classics (especially in history, mathematics and science) encourage more class discussion and writing. Currently I am doing a study on the effectiveness of Socratic seminars something I think Demille would agree with as an effective methodology.Classrooms will need to be greatly reduced to accomplish this goal and you need to recruit teachers who don't just hand out scan trons and ask students to bubble the right answer. I would also argue that we should offer more classics classes in high school including philosophy and introduce great books charter schools so long as these programs are not only made available to the elite

That is my very long book review.

My darkest day and the wild ride that followed.

2010-11-30T19:30:00.000-08:00

I often like to shroud my past with secrecy. Let people know it was eventful but give very few details. Be an enigma.But today, I thought of the darkest week of my life and smiled. I realized that it was a story of beautiful triumph and that deserved to be heard. It was a tale of what happens when a young girl has nothing to loose and must fight to save the lives of herself and her family. So fasten your seat belts you are in for a wild ride. The only difference is that this legal thriller is 100 percent true.

It is the summer of 1999 and hot. The kind of summer where everything is sticky. I was fourteen and knew there was something on the horizon. My mother had just gotten into another drunken rage and left. For good? who knew? If I knew my mother she wouldn't go quietly.

It was a quiet evening with my dad after his first night of single fatherhood. Until there was a knock at the door. We went to find two police officers at the door with an exparte order. My mother and the man she was having an affair with contrived a story that my father had beat her. The order prohibited my father from having any contact with his children and forced him to to leave the premises immediately.. Leaving me and my very young sister with a very dangerous mother. I knew that I had to figure out how to throw enough of a scene that it would be documented but not so much that I got arrested. I know this seems like a sophisticated thought process for 14 but I remember oh do I remember. Throw a fit I told myself but don't loose control. And so I screamed as loud as I could. So that the neighbors woke up. I knew that I could probably get away with calling the cop a pig and my mother a whore but anything over that would get me arrested. My scene ended with a call to my grandparents to pick us up. And just as I had hoped my epic scene was thoroughly documented. My sisters were safe and my story would later make it to court.

That night I sat on my grandparents sofa in the basement alone waiting for the sun to rise. Not knowing what the next step was but that I had to do something. Later that night I went into the bedroom and watched my sisters sleep. They were so small. I felt this overwhelming need to protect them. It was one of my most hopeless moments. I often wish I could go back to that girl on the couch, put my arms around her and tell her it would be okay.

A few days later my grandparents were going to take us home to my mother. I had been told the entire week I was brain washed, manipulated and the worst mentally handicapped by those I loved the most. My mother threatened the worst if I told she was lying. But I knew I was telling the truth and survival mode kicked in. I called my aunt and got my dad's lawyer's phone number. My grandmother had caught me engaging in these tactics earlier in the week ( are we at all surprised?) so I had to use my orthodontists phone. I reached Steave, hop into a cab, he said. I am 5'11 with brown hair and will meet you at the court house.

I had never been in a cab before, I barely knew where I was going and I would duck every time I saw a police car praying I would not get stopped. I would be lying if I said I wasn't petrified. But then Madona's Get into the Grove came on the radio. I was revved up. To this day it is my fight song.

I arrived at the court house and every man was 5'11 with brown hair. Finally one called my name and paid my cab. I was hoping this nice man would be my attorney. Oh was I wrong.

Steave introduced me to Lisa my 5'1 indomitable lawyer with the mouth of a sailor.

" Are the police looking for me" I asked.
"Probably but they can't touch you here."
"What happens if the judge doesn't grant our motion."
"Well you better stick your head between your legs and start kissing your ass."
"I am not dressed for court." I say
"You look like shit but there isn't anything I can do about it now."

She sounds harsh but that is just her way. She tenderly forced me to eat a lunch of chips and coke and listened patiently as I told the horror of the last 3 years.

Next, I found myself in a court room, dressed in shorts that had less material than most peoples underwear with my thunder thighs all over the place and my hair a mess. I told the judge my story. She began to make her ruling and for a moment it sounded like she wasn't going to grant my petition. But again with the freedom of having nothing to loose I continued to fight. I interrupted the judge and began to argue with her. I refused to give up. I mean at this point what was she going to do put me in jail?

I won my motion and got a little bit of a lecture outside the courtroom on talking back to judges ;) Opps. I was joyfully reunited with my father that night. I got to listen to Steave call my mother and tell her. Oh how sweet victory felt. The next day at the lawyers office several people came to shake my hand. I later learned that no one had ever been able to do what I did. It was so weird that so many important people took time out of there day to meet me.

My mother's parents got one of the best attorneys in the county. However, after 3 weeks of living out of hotels, eating out, being yelled at by police officers, spending our days in a truck with a very hot smelly dog, several court appearances and being followed by private investigators ( nope not over exaggerating) my dad got his house and children back. I have always wondered how my mother's attorney felt about having a 14 year old ruin his case. I heard through the grape vine he wasn't thrilled. I remember one day asking him if he always represented drunk child abusers.;0 Fifteen minutes later my attorney very publicly emasculated him. I am pretty sure I know how he felt about that. An then there were the private detectives we would manage to confuse using our walkie talky cell phones. Suckers!

Lisa is now a judge and I am very close with her to this day. I still run into Steave every once in a while. I had the opportunity to testify on behalf of children in divorce in the Maryland Senate it was a very gratifying experience. I promised God at the end of that summer I would give him anything in return if i could just survive. He did collecting his end of that bargain.

Horsing around

2010-11-13T19:27:00.000-08:00

I would like to introduce you to Leo for the next two months he will be my riding companion. This is not me riding Leo but because I hate taking pictures I had to take one from the website. Anyways I picked Leo from the Geritol paddock thinking that he would be able to take me on long quiet walks.

Well Leo and I greatly misjudged each other. Today with all the eagerness in the world I saddled Leo up with the intention of taking him to the C&O canal for the very peaceful walk on a Saturday afternoon. I hop on and begin to climb a hill. Leo is not having it and tries several times to turn us around back towards the barn. I turn him in a circle to discourage this behavior. Finally we reach the top of the hill and a power struggle of epic proportions begin. I want to continue and he refuses. After a 10 minute battle I decide to give in and we head back to the barn. This would not have happened had I not been on concrete. The idea of falling on cement wasn't appealing. Road burn isn't a good look for me. Smart girl would have dismounted the horse and walked back. I decided to ride him back. Well he kicked into a full uncontrolled trot and then into a canter. The next thing I know I am in a run away horse. This would have been more troublesome but Leo is 26 which is 100 in horse years so it was really like a being on a run away horse in slow motion. I tried all the tricks to stop a run away horse to no avail. I thought about doing an Emergency Dismount but I was going really slow and I knew he was headed right back to his paddock so I stuck it out. Now, I never see men at the Barn but that day they were all over the place and crazy Lyndsey rushes through on her run away horse. I hear from the back corner "Man Leo hasn't ran that fast in years." THERE IS NOTHING I HATE MORE THEN LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT IN FRONT OF MEN! I hate it hate it hate it.

LEO WAS IN BIG TROUBLE. I had two choices I could let him go back in his field and positively reinforce that when you run off with your rider and make her look stupid you get to go back to the retirement paddock and eat hay with all your buddies and laugh about how you outsmarted the city girl. Or I could show him who he was dealing with. I gathered up my pride put my head up high and forcefully walked the horse back to the circular pen. I pull up the mounting block to get on him (protect his back) and he takes two steps forward. I move the mounting block again he takes two steps forward. But now I am pissed. Thankfully the barn manager stops and convinces me to smack him ( Not cruel I am mimicking what an Alpha mare would do in the field to establish dominance. The only difference is she bites) And that took care of that situation. I hadn't made my point yet. Leo did circles for an hour and a half (think horsey time out) until I was sure he knew who was in charge of this relationship.

That was not the end of my horsing around for the day. I went to the Therepy barn to help hold kids on horses. I was excited because on my schedule was a 4 year old girl and today would be her first lesson. The little girl is a cancer survivor but because she got cancer so young she has some muscular weakness and is strong speech delays. She can use one or two words and mom can understand sentences but that is about it. We tried the entire session just to get one word out of her. And then the instructor got an idea. "You all are going to think I am crazy" she says "But lets trot" So we grabbed out little cargo and held on for deal life as we trotted for just 4 steps and the next thing we hear clear as a bell is "mommy I go fast" One of the most prolific sentences I have heard in a long time.

And then I remembered why I loved these amazing suborn, rude mamoth sized creatures so much

Musings on Blogging

2010-10-26T19:08:00.001-07:00

I am addicted to Ree Drumond and her amazing blog The Pioneer Woman http://thepioneerwoman.com/. I read it every morning before I face my 15 students who are addicted to saying my name. Okay I really only have like 3 students who are addicted to saying my name but when they each say my name 2o times a day it kind of adds up.

Anyways sorry for the ADD digression. In the beginning I coveting the Pioneer Woman's life with her hot husband, four children home schooled children, acres of land and well lets be honest what I coveted most were her horses. But then I realized my life isn't that different. I ride horses, I teach children, I cook stuff, I consider the entire Appalachian mountain range to be mine and that is way more land than she's got. But what she has done is really quite unique, she has taken her ordinary every day life and turned it into something extraordinary I would venture to say a piece of art.

This conclusion had me asking myself what do I have to offer? What part of my life could I make into a piece of art. Ree takes pictures. I don't take picture I hate taking pictures. She also cooks and I like to cook but my food is very basic and bland cause that is the way I was raised and like it. And then it came to me stories. When I was a teenager I had this Bishop who loved to hear my Lyndsey stories. They were always crazy and yet I always found a way out. My college years had the best Lyndsey stories. Like that time I called the Dean of Students an arrogant self aggrandizing sexist and then begged for forgiveness the following year when I needed him to cut me a break, or the time I got stuck on a mountain in West Virginia and was rescued by a town of Freemasons, or that time I hit a trash truck in Buena Vista, or how my favorite book "Bitch in Praise of Difficult Women" dropped out of my box right in front of my new RD Freshmen year Oh or that time some kid called me a Feminazi with a bullhorn and I flipped him off and then reported his ass. And that doesn't even begin to cover some of the crazy dates I have been on.

So I have decided to do a series of short stories. "How SVU saves my life" I am not sure how this is going to work Which brings me to my other point of discussion. I am an extremely private person. You may think you know me and my past but I promise you you haven't even scratched the surface. I am afraid to open my life to others and yet I think there is beauty in all of my insanity. If anyone has any insight in how they balance these two conflicting feelings let me know.

Well now that is all out I am ready to start writing.

Dirt and Other things

2010-10-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

I seem to blog like I write in my journal. I put it off thinking that I have nothing exciting or new to report and then when I sit down I go on for pages and pages about my adventures usually in a disorganized hodgepodge of random thoughts. It is like I am an idea hoarder. I hold on to them and hold on to them until they finally explode and my posts look like an episode of hoarders. The problem with that is I know from being a journalist in a former life AND my own habits that people only have the attention span for 3 short paragraphs. So I will keep it short and in list form. That way you can just read the list and say oh okay that is the madness Lyndsey is up to these days. And if you want to read more you can read the descriptions.

1) Life at the Barn in the dirt: There is no better feeling than wearing joppers, paddock boots and being COVERED with dirt! Whether I am helping the Therepy riding kids or doing my own riding it is the best feeling in the world. I always feel like I have done someone thing useful when I am covered in dirt!

I ended up having to switch riding instructors which was a huge frustrating debaticle. But now I love the place I am at. Oh and I met/ fallen in love with (whatever) a new horse who is wonderful. He is a Red Ruin Quarter horse. He isn't the most beautiful animal in the world but he is brilliant and is patient enough to teach me how to ride and does not get irritated when I change my mind as to where I want to go and steer us into a barrel (sorry Cody;)

2) Camping (More Dirt)

To celebrate the advent of the new school year I went camping with a few girlfriends ( female empowerment). We did pretty well for ourselves despite asking the men next to us to set up our tent and thinking we only needed charcoal to sustain a fire. The stars were so breathtakingly beautiful we decided to sleep outside in the dirt. It wasn't the most comfortable sleep but I was so mesmerized my the stars that I never see in DC (stupid city living can't wait until God decides it is time for me to move to the sticks) I could not bring myself to go in the tent. We did a quick hike ( 6 miles) and went home. I had a back ache for two weeks from sleeping on the ground I think I said something like "Only Pansies use sleeping pads" Next time I will be a pansy.

Student Teaching (No dirt :(

I was started student teaching at West Baltimore School of Technology and Environmental science. My teacher is wonderful is loved by the student and teaches critical thinking using the Socratic method. He is totally laid back and I was thrilled when he told me "I don't really care what time you come in". For someone who is perpetually late this was music to my ears!

School:

Yeah I have super senioritus after 7 years of higher education I am spent. I have quit reading and pretty much have decided I am doing the least work humanly possible to get by. The quality of education at UMBC has led me to become highly disenchanted with higher education. I am done.

Atlanta: I went to Atlanta to visit the Ferrels it was way fun. Saw old friend made new. Got to rest and spiritually regenerate. Sat through an entire conference on Visiting Teaching without making one snarky comment which I must say was physically painful. I did learn that You only really need to physically visit teach every 3 months. I plan on reminding my VT of this often. Hey it is like taking that birth control pill that makes it so you only get your period every 3 months! ( did you really think I could make it all the way through without taking a cheap shot at the Relief Society program)

That's all folks. Hope you made it to the end but if you didn't that is okay because I certainly wouldn't have!

Bucket List

2010-08-07T09:14:00.001-07:00

In case any of you are interested. I am bored and my blog needs a post so I decided to write a bucket list. Note: These are in the order that they popped into my brain and not in the order of what I desire to do the most.

1) Hike the entire Virginia Portion of the Appalachian trail all (400 miles). This does not need to be done all at once and as far as I am concerned can be done a couple miles a year over the next 40 years. I have already done about two miles
2) Do a 25 mile endurance trail ride. (Think marathon on a horse)
3) Fall in love
4) Read 1,000 books last count around 170.
5) Write a book
6) Visit all 50 states ( I am at about 15)
7) Bake bread that does not look like a door stopper
8) Climb mount Timp. ( Done woot! 2009)
9) Invest in real estate with meager teaching salary
10) Nurture a child to adulthood
11) Hold public office
12) Serve a mission
13) Build a substantial library and then donate it
14) Plant a garden

That's all I can think of seems kind of simple I guess. Hopefully I have plenty of time to get all of this done.

Adventures with Anne on Prince Edward Island

2010-07-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

I have just returned from a week long adventure on Prince Edward Island, which is located between Nova Scotia and New Brunswick Canada.

The island is so beautiful I couldn't help but wonder if I had walked through a magical wardrobe and into some enchanted land. The earth is a strong deep red that looks something like a maple leaf with the luster of a rubies. It is covered in lush green evergreen trees. There are gardens with color that represent every color of the rainbow. And as if that wasn't enough its crowning glory is Anne's shining waters which are every where you look.

Green Gables lifts right off the page a you drive passed the real lake of shining waters and up the driveway to Green Gables. You can almost hear Anne, Murilla and Mathew's voices throughout the house. You can then follow Anne out the front door, across the lawn and into the haunted woods to Diana Barry's house or the real house the Lucy Maud Montgomery lived in. It depends on if you are in your imagination or reality.

After Green Gables we took long horseback rides through the woods, down the sand dunes, and on to the beach for a trot at sunset. I was on another Chesnut mare. I always have a way of choosing the fastest horse in the pasture.

The beaches were like none I have ever seen. We ran where the red rocks and sand met the cool blue ocean, and spent sunny days at the breezy beaches with warm water and vile jellyfish. My favorite part of the day were the luxurious home made breakfasts every morning on the veranda looking over the bay. MMMM Butter scotch muffins and home made bread.

The people are just as magical as the Island. It is almost like they are from some lost era where people are nice and kind to everyone. And not just some people everyone was kind, hard working, God loving, and warm. And each one had a fascinating tale to tell.

First, there was Lavinia our hostess at the bed and breakfast. Her cooking was amazing and made from simple organic ingredients found within 100 miles of her house. No high Fructose Corn Syrup in her kitchen! (blog on that to follow one of these days). She has a Gaelic accent that sounds more like a bird singing than a person talking. There is more to meet the eye to this Grandma. She has lived on PEI her entire life with their husband they started with nothing and were everything from dairy farmers to chicken farmers. And she bikes. Not the 30 miles on the Confederate Trail like Leah and I did. No She biked all of Canada from Atlantic to Pacific Ocean for her church. She was warm and hospitable and her strong faith was evident all throughout her house.

One night we went to a local tavern to listen to a Celtic Band. Even the bar was family friendly and community centered. A local business man told us about his Sea Kiaking business. The women sang beautiful music and brought all the children on the stage with them. Family is celebrated in PEI and I never heard a swear word the entire time I was on the Island other than the s bomb that came out of my mouth once when my horse was trotting particularly fast.

And just when we had thought we had seen everything, we went to the five sisters lilac farm. We followed the road up to the farm and only saw one small field of lilac. We were going to turn back but a small short woman with blond hair and a twinkle in her eye approached. She looked just like a fairy godmother dressed like a farmer.

The Lilac fairy as she will be heretofore referred to grew up in Boston Her mother was from Prince Edward Island. When the last of her relatives from Kings Cross ( a "town" with a church and that is about it) died she moved to PEI and bought a bunch of land. She randomly started to grow lilac which isn't something that is indigenous to PEI. In addition to her Lilac farm she also has a Fairy Trail with beads hanging from the trees, fairies poking their heads our from the trees and Emmerson quotes on nature stuck to tree trunks. After our walk, she gave us a free cup of lilac tea. Which was delicious. She charges us nothing for our tour she just wanted people to see her lilac.

The people of PEI made me want to be more like them, warmer, more faithful, with a healthier diet, and a love of the land and a knowledge of how to use it. Maybe I will spend my summers at PEI from now on!

The Horse Boy... and Girl

2010-05-24T19:23:00.000-07:00

I am happy to report that God and I are tight these days and I have new things to blog about.

I just read this book called the Horse Boy by Rupert Issacson. It was the story of a family with a severely autistic son (Rowan.) Rowan was non-verbal, had constant tantrums, and would not potty train at age 5. It was a constant struggle just to get to the end of the day. Rowan's father Rupert) was an avid horsemen. But thought his son would never ride. In fact he wouldn't let his son near the horse because he thought his erratic behavior would spook the horse. One day his son ran away. He found him playing at the feet of a large mare. The strong willed Alpha mare stood perfectly still and bowed her head in submission to little Rowan. So Rupert put his son on the horse and began to ride. And miraculously his son began to speak. The more he would ride the more he would speak. And so his father decided to take his son on a trip on horseback through Mongolia to visit the Shamen healers. Okay I must admit this is where the book got a little trippy. These Shaman were trippy. Very very trippy. And several times I got ticked off at the father for subjecting his wife and son to these ceremonies that I thought were semi-abusive. Lets focus on the horse part. Rowan soon learned to ride on his own and although he is still autistic and will always be the more difficult aspects of the disease were healed ( tantrums, verbalaization, and potty training.)

Is this an anomoly? One miraculous connection between an animal and a child? Well lets look at Temple Grandin (new hero). Grandin is an autistic woman with a PHD who teaches at the University of Colorado. She revolutionized the cattle industry by creating ethical slaughterhouses. Avid horsewoman, and has many of her most difficult manifestations of the disorder under control.

I come from a a rough background. If you haven't figured that out you either don't know me very well or haven't been paying attention. Although I am extremely private about my life I still know I carry it in my personality. I don't mind that actually. Every bruise is now a piece of wisdom and evidence of a mountain climbed.. Most of you know (because I never shut up about it) that I have taken up horseback riding. I can not fully put into words how much it had changed my life and healed my heart. Last weekm when I was trotting through the pasture and up into the Shenandoah mountains the stress and difficulties of the week just melted away and I found a transcendentalist peace. It is a very similar feeling to being in the temple. I know I am getting close to a line of blasphemy there and many may think I am overeggagerating. But it is how I feel and therefore it is real to me. If you don't like it, I didn't ask your opinion anyways ( wow am I the only blogger this rude to my readers?). I wish I could articulate what it is about these animals that seems to have changed me. I mean they smell horrible, I have to clean their feet oh and yeah if it wants to it could kill me. Last time I tried to explain it to someone I burst into tears. I don't cry not ever. Never. Except when my dog died, because I haven't met a human I liked as much as my dog yet.

I hope to one day marry my new love of horses with my old love of special needs kids. There is a power to heal there and I want to be a part of it.

Lyndsey has entered relationship therepy with God

2010-05-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

I thought I would tell you about my journey to reconcile with God over the past few weeks. But as I was writing a decided it was too personal and sacred to blast all over the internet. If you care enough to ask I will tell you. However I will blog about the effects of this transformation that have been so drastic.

Today my Bishop pulled me into his office. Now, I love my bishop and have a great deal of respect for him. I really do. My beef is typically with God not the messenger. But I couldn't help but think to myself "what now". He told me how happy he was that I had accepted this calling but knew how terribly difficult it would be for me and he thought it was just too much. He said he wanted to give me the opportunity to opt out and offered me another calling. He made it very clear that I was not being asked to step down from my previous calling the choice was mine and mine completely. It was a bigger leadership opportunity, and had many many many outside benefits including limiting my obligation to Relief Society which we all know I absolutly love. Again, if you really want to know I will tell you in a few weeks when said calling is sorted out. To my surprise I didn't say yes right away. In fact I had no desire to say yes. But I thought it would be wise to ask for time to think/ maybe pray. I told the bishop I would let him know my decision early in the week.

I was half way to my car when I realised what had happened. A loving Heavenly Father and perhaps my Bishop know nothing and I mean NOTHING makes me more uncomfortable than someone making me do something that I don't want to do. That someone includes God. Side story when I was 14 I was in court and the judge started to make a rulin I wasn't liking so I got up and I argued with her in totally cutting her off. She gave me my way :) which was good because that sounds like something people go to jail for. another story you can ask about if you want to. Where was I oh yes. So God knows no one can really tell me what to do including himself. So he gave me a choice. I was now choosing the calling. It was no longer God making me do something vile. I was forcing myself to do something vile because I know I will grow. Smart God maybe worth listening to more often. So I turned my cute blue shoes around and headed back for the Bishop's office and declined his offer. :)

I will keep you updated on how this new chapter of growth goes. So far I have survived week one of wench reform school.

How I am being punished for failing my Lent Project and why I am becoming a Republican hippie earth mother

2010-04-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

This post has some words that may offend some friends but there are only three so stick with me just this once.

Lent
I was finished with my lent project about a 1/4 of the way through. I decided it was just too hard. I hate people anyways and therefore I epically fail. So God decided to finish my lent project for me.

I had been on this committee for several years and was just done. You know that feeling when you just have no motivation? So after sleeping through yet another meeting I decided it was time to approach the bishop about a new calling. The Bishop said I was absolutely right for coming to him and it was time for a new calling and a change. HE immediately suggested Visiting teaching supervisor. For those of you who are not tuned in I absolutely refused to visit teach or be visit taught for my entire 7 years in Relief Society. I said "Bishop I am willing to serve where ever you would like me to serve but I think this is something you should pray about." He agreed and sent me home.

The next week I was summonsed to the Bishop's office. I was actually excited about Visiting Teaching Supervisor. I get to be in charge of stuff. And we all know how much I love being in charge of stuff. And then he lays Compassionate Service Minion on me. I was in such a state of shock I muttered a yes whatever and was on my way.

Let the antics begin!!!

I freaked out. I can't be compassionate. I can't even be nice! I hate those stupid notes and baked goods people leave on my doorstep. So the Bishop attempts to sustain me. But I RAISE MY HAND in opposition to myself. But my room-mate grabbes my hand before our Bishop sees it. I got home a member of the compassionate service committee.

And now I have a problem. Y Because I have done nothing other than be obstinate to keep the spirit away so He constantly naggs me. Be on the compassionate service committee you will grow! Blah blah blah. ANd I say Shut up God and immediately write this letter to the bishop outline all the reasons why I need to be released, slip it under my door and hope that God leaves me alone.

So I am driving home and I feel this immense sadness. I just couldn't figure it out. I should be happy! I will no longer be subjected to compulsory niceness. But then I came to realization through a friend that maybe some people don't need stupid notes put under their door and baked goods. Maybe sometimes they need to be told they are being an ass or they need help in a crisis or need help figuring something out. I can do those things. Maybe I am trying to fit in a relief society box that I view as fake and superficial and just do things my way. And thus the Compassionate Service Committee was renamed "Bitch Reformed School" and it became mine! The Bishop returned my resignation letter. Did I inform the Bishop what I renamed his committee.?YOU BET! I still hate this calling. I had a melt down with it this morning and tried to leave without doing what I was assigned to do. Some girl approached/ caught me skipping out and I asked her "Who are you? and why are you speaking to me?" I am still mad at God for giving me the calling. But I get mad at God a lot for not giving me my way. He is used to it! I bet I was arguing with him in the preexistence. I will probably be arguing with Him when I see Him in person again. It's just how we roll. I think that's why I hear the spirit so loudly. He has to talk over me not to me.

Republican Earth Mother Hippie

This year I have read both Animal Vegetable Miracle and Radical Housewives. The premise of both books is to simplify our lives, eat more natural foods that we grow ourselves. We should return to a more agrarian lifestyle and stop supporting cooperate America as it rots our souls, and destroys our families. The way to strengthen the family to to reject obsessive materialism. It also suggests that we quit buying so much crap that we don't really need.

This year I am planning on starting small by buy my produce locally and cooking from scratch more. I have also grown my hair really really long and bought a peasant skirt.

With this Republican Hippie Mother Earth Madonna like reinvention. I have decided I want to be a Doula. Mainly because I don't feel like a doctor should be able to dictate to a woman that she should have a c-sections when she doesn't need one; or that a woman should EVER have to give birth on her back; or be cut because a doctor was too lazy to take preventative measures to prevent her from tearing. Birth is a beautiful natural thing not a medical crisis. The only thing standing in my way is time and money. So I plan to read up on the topic and then sign up for a class. I have a career I want to do this as a service. Oh and I know you have to be compassionate to be a doula. I am a walking contradiction what can I say.

Thats all for now!

Lent Project part 2

2010-02-28T19:37:00.000-08:00

I realised reading the last two entries how poorly written these Lent project entries are. I will strive to be better. I was hoping this blog would be more funny then it is turning out. But a few people have made comments to me about it so someone out there is reading about my little project and finds it interesting enough to comment on. So alas, here is my accounting of the last few days:

Day 7: Tired fail. I did work at the temple. Does that count for something?
Day 8: I followed through on my promise and didn't torture my Visiting Teacher. I wasn't warm and fuzzy and didn't comment on the half-baked lesson found in the Ensign this month negatively or positively.
Day 9: Fail Reclusive fail
Day 10: Saturday I was at this meeting and I put away a woman's chair who had a bad back. Oh wait that is service not reaching out and being nice. Gotta give me points for trying to slide that one by.

Day 11: (Sunday again) Major successes!! Plural.
Success number 1: I went to munch and mingle even though I had things to do at home to prepare to have friends over for dinner. I decided since I was there, I should make it a goal to talk to one man I didn't know. I met a nice intern from Massachusetts. Interns are useless when it comes to dating but he was good practice.

Success number 2: I saw a girl that I have been meaning to get to know better. We have been talking about getting together for months now. So I pulled out my handy day planner and set a girl date. Wahooo!!!

Success number 3: My home teacher called at the 11th hour on the last day of the month. I not only told him that he may come over I didn't give him a hard time. He was half an hour late and I cut him slack on that one too. Nominate me for sainthood! Before the Lent project I would have made that poor guys life miserable. I didn't pay attention to his lesson because I was tired and had work to do but that is besides the point.

Lent Project Part 1

2010-02-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

Day 2: I had to be somewhere after work so I stopped by Panera to have dinner. I sat in a section with a very old man having dinner by himself. He looked lonely so I smiled at him. He smiled back so I asked him how his day was. He said it was fine and asked me how my day was. I told him it was good. Mission accomplished for the day!

Day 3: I headed off to my riding lesson in Front Royal, Virginia. I thought it would be pretty easy because I was leaving the offstandish city. And it was. I approached another woman coming from the city about car pulling. I learned her name and where she was from.

Day 4: Fail. How I went to church and failed I don't know.

Day 5: Fail. Again

Day 6: I took the kid I babysit to Tae Kwon Do. I tried to take up a conversation with one of the moms. I told her she had mad skills for being able to feed her baby and read a magazine at the same time. She basically ignored me. But then one the the other nannies approached me. We talked about how parents over schedule their kids and have no idea how tired they are because they never see their kids.

That's all for now!

Lent project What I am taking on not giving up

2010-02-23T16:17:00.000-08:00

Expect this note to be filled with typos and spelling errors. it is late and I am at the school library having just finished an assignment that was hard for me. My brain is fried. But I wanted to officially start my lent project. As most of you know I don't like people. I am often off-standish and cold and don't go out of my way to make friends although miraculously I have many. My best friend told me she was terrified of me the first time she met me. My home teacher's voice shakes nervously when he calls. So I decided to turn Lent on its head a little bit. You see traditionally you are to give up something in remembrance of Christ's sacrifice. But I have decided to DO something Christ would want me to do every day for 40 days. So my lent goal is to reach out to someone I don't know, strengthen a relationship with another person, or do something kind for someone else. I plan to use my blog to record what I did. There will be a list every few days.

You can keep up with me at www.lyndseysmusingsandmisadventures.blogspot.com.Day

Number 1: I thought I would start big. I would rather set my hair on fire than Visit teach or be Visit taught. I hate it hate it hate it. Kind of like I hate the dentist, the MVA, and Taxes. I have made sport out of visiting teacher terrorization for many years. Like with most Visiting teachers and companions mine learned to stay away fast. Although Rachel was pretty persistent. Well today I sent an email INVITING MY VISITING TEACHER TO COME OVER with no intention of torturing her. Huge progress people. And I did it because I wanted to. Not because it was my Lent project. Huge project. hope I didn't come across sounding like a nutcase. This should be interesting. Stay tuned.

The Joys of Quasi Motherhood.

2010-01-29T09:18:00.001-08:00

How I went from an anti-child, anti domestics, pro career feminist to Mary Poppins I know not. But alas here is my new life as supernanny.

After being fed up with the way my former employer treated their employees, corruption and becoming crazy clients I decided to quit my office job so I could tutor more and spend more time with my crazy students. Unfortunately I can't afford to only work 16 hours a week so I needed a supplementary gig. So I became an after school sitter. What I didn't know was that translated to stand in mother. My days consist of multiple loads of laundry, emptying the dish washer, taking the dog for a walk, and driving the kids to their activities which are many. I had to buy a planner just to keep tack of these kids! But watching kids kick their Tae Kwon Do instructor wondering when one of them is going to miss the cushion and nail one is the groin is a source of constant amusement.

Another source of constant amusement is my students. They make me laugh ever day. My first day back I had the following discussion:

Student: Lyndsey I have something very embarrassing to talk to you about.
Me: Oh what is that.
Student: well I just wanted you to know that I saw you robustly yawn and I looked away.
Lyndsey: I didn't know I wasn't allowed to yawn
Student: You mean it is acceptable for a woman to yawn in the 20th century?

I love my job. When I am not trying to chase my students down the hallways trying to get them to work.

Other than that not much new to report. I just started horseback riding and will be taking lessons twice a month in Front Royal, VA. I love it! It is such a de-stresser! I can't wait to start running or do they call it cantering? I am also sewing a lot. I am trying to teach myself by working off what I learned in middle school home ec and the short sewing seminar I took at SVU. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I am not very good at "doing the job right" and prefer to rush through things and move on to the next task. I get a lot done this way but not the best quality.

Nothing too new or exciting. I feel like I just wrote a Christmas letter!

I have nothing to blog about but Sarah Palin

2010-01-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

My life is so dull. The only thing remotely interesting about the last three months was getting an after school nannying job so I can tutor more and quit my corrupt office job yay. This year's goal is to have more fun! I put a sticky note on my wall reminding me to have more fun just in case I forget.

While at work I decided to read Sarah Palin's book from my iphone. I was so bored I read it in 4 days it was a 400 page book. Here is my review:

Criticisms: She spends to much time trying to be rogue but she doesn't really know enough about how to play the game to function. She is also missing other valuable information like foreign policy and how not to sound ignorant on TW(which she isn't). So instead of educating herself she continues to publish and write on her facebook wall. She also takes no responcibility for anything she did on the campaign which annoyed me.

Praise: She really illustrates that she isn't caraboo barbie. It seems as though she is well read. She sites several theories and and facts to back her own opinions. She does a nice job of illustrating her track record in very successfully running a state. She also puts together a very articulate "Sarah Platform" of her political ideology which as she puts it is very common sense. This is all assuming she wrote the book.

The problem: She calls attention to the very disturbing media bais that plagued the campaign and her personal life. A few examples. Joe Biden goes on and on about things Roosevelt did when the stock market crashed. Roosevelt wasn't president when the stock market crashed in 1929. But Palin gets annoyed at Couric's frankly condescending line of questioning and it is headline news. If Couric had done her research like we are taught in basic jounralism 101. she would have known that Palin had actually published several op-ed pieces on energy in the New York Times and other national papers before she was even the Vice Presidential candidate.

I am not just blaming the liberals, conservatives munipulate, create, and disdort information as well. The problem is that the media has no written ethical credo. It is one of the reasons I decided not to be a journalist. So what are the American people to do? We have an untrustworthy source of information trying to educate us to vote. We are told to read between the lines, to not believe everything we read and research what we hear. But who has time for that? People have families, jobs and lives. Some of us aren't in to politics because we are busy finding a cure for cancer, or teaching, or I don't as simple as being a really good plumber or contractor. Plus doing that type of research takes some skill. So at the end of the day we are left taking Bill O'rielley or The Washington Post's or Chris Mathew's word for it. If you have listened to these people you know how scary that is!

2009-10-07T08:03:00.000-07:00

Reading, writing, receiving crappy grades on papers because I refuse to sing to the tune of reverse racism in my diversity class and editing students work has proven to be shock trauma to my writing. Thankfully reading my friend's blog has revived my blog, journal and who knows maybe I will bust out the moleskin and start doing fiction again.

Anyway it has been a happening jump into fall. I started out the school year with a fantastic new job. I work at a company called College Living Experience helping students with Aspergers, High functioning Autism, ADHD and brain injuries. I still gotta answer phones twice a week but I can do my homework, write blogs, research random things, ans still get paid. My students constantly make me laugh. One student says to me "How do I know Big Brother isn't telling me you have a copy of my text book"I told him that "I was big brother." Another student recounted how a girl asked him how long certain parts of his body were and asked me if people ever asked me how long certain parts of my body were. Completely failed at keeping a straight face on that.

Earlier this summer I found myself craving adventure again so I got this harebrained idea to run in the RAGNAR Relay. The Ragnar is a relay race from Cumberland Maryland. There are 12 people on a team and each person runs 12-22 miles over three runs. Runners are picked up and dropped off in a van. My first run was about 20 miles outside of Cumberland on the C&O canal. Completely flat. It was beautiful but I was so focused on running that I didn't enjoy the beauty that surrounded me. My next run was at 11 at night just outside of Hagerstown. It was dark and I was alone for much of the race. For this reason I may not do it again. But the quiet was wonderful and the town was very cute. My last run (after a few awkward hours of sleep in a van in the middle of a field in Hagerstown) was at about 10 am through Darnestown. Very hilly exhausting I walked over half of it. But like that 40 year old woman stay the hell out of my way walk. I was happy to finish and even more happy to crawl into my warm bed and sleep afterwards.

Although, I haven't had much time to write I have been reading like crazy. I am almost finished reading Animal Vegetable Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. It deserves a blog entry on its own but I don't have time for that anymore so here is the quick and dirty. Barbara Kingsolver (whom I previously believed was a leftist nutjob) left Arizona moved onto her farm in South West Virginia and vowed to eat only local food produced by her family or neighbors. The motivation global warming and health. Like a good little Republican I don't buy global warming so I just ignored that section of the book. The nutrition premise of the book is life changing. Our diets are mostly comprised of processed crap consisting of high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils designed to make us fat. Has anyone thought maybe it isn't us that is making us fat it is the food that is available to us? She also argues that by eating processed foods we are only getting corn in our diet when our bodies are made to have a variety of food. The Animals we eat are packed and confined their entire life. They are fed hormones and Antibiotics why antibiotics you ask they live in their own feces. I compared her argument to that put forth in the Word of Wisdom,

" Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with ^aprudence and ^bthanksgiving.

12 Yea, ^aflesh also of ^bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used ^csparingly;

13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be ^aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or ^bfamine.

14 All ^agrain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;

15 And ^athese hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.

16 All grain is good for the ^afood of man; as also the ^bfruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—

17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain."

And the decision is made. Little by little bit by bit I am cutting out the cans and the bags and choosing more natural options. Last week I made veggie lasagna with home made sauce (I will never eat tomato sauce out of a bottle again). I have traded my beloved chewy granola bars for nuts. I buy my meat at whole foods or the Amish market. Although they are on the earth for our consumption we have stewardship over them. They deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

Well that sermon was longer than I had anticipated. But hey I haven't written in 2 months I had a lot on my mind!

Post Deleting

2009-08-22T06:37:00.001-07:00

Yeah the last post wass supposed to be funny but it came out as kinda bitter. Gonna try again. Maybe not at the point where I can laugh at my job yet!

One Crazy Summer!

2009-07-31T06:58:00.000-07:00

My new life goal is to meet as many people, go as many places, experience as many things, and read as many books as I can. I definitely achieved that this summer.

My first adventure was to go to Six Flags. I have been to theme parks before I have just never gotten on a ride. I have always been terrified of well just about everything roller coasters, escalators and fireworks. I did manage to go on 3 wooden coasters where I spent most of the time in the fetal position cursing and crying. By the end of the day I was adrenalin sick. Glad I did it not sure I will do it again any time soon.

A few weeks later it was off to visit my cousin Christin in Connecticut. My sister Kimberly came with. We have never taken a road trip together. I think she drives reckless she thinks I drive like a grandma it was all good. I had fun meeting their friends and playing with the kids. We went to this excellent sea food restaurant. I would love to go back to New England soon maybe in the fall for a B&B tour.

My next trip was going to Buena Vista to visit my Alma Mater. I had a lot of fun visiting tons of pizza and eating at the pizza place I used to work for. I loved that job! I miss the small town life. Although it isn't for me at this time . I hope one day it will be. Where else will you be able to go into town and watch your professor's 12 year olds play in a band on main street. Gotta love it.

My next adventure took me to Utah. I couldn't' believe how strong the sun was. I think they most exciting thing I did was climb Mount Timp the second largest mountain in Utah. It took me 5.5 hours up and 3.5 hours down. I only went to the saddle back because it looked like it was about to storm. I have never seen such an incredible view. I saw waterfalls, wild flowers, beautiful vistas and neat animals. Although I was disappointed I didn't see anything bigger than a chip monk. The sense of accomplishment was indescribable I felt like I could do anything. Like I was indomitable! Okay that might have been a little much.

After Timp I thought I would take a relaxing lazy tube ride down the Provo river. Relaxing my foot. For some reason I never gained control over the tube so I ricocheted off the banks of the river and a bunch or rocks. Not happy. There was this bridge at the halfway point that we were supposed to get off of because the rapids were to strong going under. Well I of course could paddle far enough to to the banks. So I hop my tube thinking I will drag it. Well I land on razor sharp rocks and am not strong enough to move carry the tube and myself through the rapids. I had enough trouble holding my footing much less trying to move. I started to get really scared but for some reason was too prideful to yell for help. Not that the company provided any. Thankfully some guy came in after me and pulled me to safety. After finally calming down I had time to reflect on the experience and decided it was the universe telling me I can't always do everything myself. Sometimes I just need to ask for help.

Anyways this long post is finally over! I feel like my blog has gotten borring. I also feel like my scripture study has not been as productive as I would hope. So I am hoping ot combined the two I think I am going to write a blog entry called the Pedagogy of Christ. Stay tuned.

Duck Beach and More

2009-06-03T06:46:00.000-07:00

Summer is finally here! I thought I would write a brief update on my blissfully boring life. Unfortunately there are no quaky adventures to report.

For those of you who are no YSA's living on the east coast, every memorial day weekend about a thousand LDS kids descend on the outer banks. I had always resisted going as I had always heard it was a licentious Mormon Spring Break and well lets be honest I don't like people so the idea of spending 3 days in a house with 43 other people wasn't all that exciting to me. However, one of my goals is to be more social. So alas, I signed up and headed down to the the Outer Banks!

I ended up having a good time. I realized the biggest trick to mingling is to jump right in! Once you start it gets easier and easier as the event progresses. I also learned that you don't have to always be talking with someone at a party. The most interesting people I met on my trip were those who approached me while I was in between groups or people.

I loved just being able to relax. Typically when I go somewhere I am on a trip and not a vacation. I try and do everything and am always running from one amazing world treasure to another. This trip I had two choices the beach or the pool. It was great! I can't remember when I last had time to read an entire book in one day.

The second thing that was great about this trip was there were the perfect balance of people. Typically I travel alone because I can never find people to go with me. I usually like this because I get to see what I want, when I want, and for exactly how long I want. But sometimes I get lonely and feel pathetic doing it myself. On this trip I could be with people if I wanted to or not be with people and I could make that decision whenever I wanted it was great!

I am revved up for a simple summer. No big trips in the works. I am only working 4 days a week which is exciting. I plan to spend that time hiking, bike riding and at the pool reading weird nerd books like the Odyssey. I am also taking an intensive novel writing class one novel eight weeks! I have also upped my Netflix memebership to three disks in hopes that I can finish the Gilmore Girls series my the time school starts! I am such an addict!

I got really sick a few months ago and it threw off my entire running schedule. I am just getting back on but it looks like I am going to just do a half marathon this fall. The question is do I wanna do the Ragnar, the Baltimore half marathon, or the one in Massachusetts? We shall see how it pans out.

So really borring blog. No dry witt. No adventures.No pontifications. Lame. My goal is to start taking pictures so maybe my life will appear to be less dull. However often times bordom can be blissful!

Yet, Another Baltimore moment

2009-05-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Once in a while I have a moment where my heart is touched and I remember why I want to be a teacher.

We were doing a lesson on the great depression. Students were given an amount of money and were told they had to create a great depression budget. They presented their work to the class. They were each asked "What would be the first thing you would buy and why?

So this kid gets up there and says "The first thing I would buy is bread"
"Why is that" the teacher asked.
"Because God gave Moses' people bread and he always took care of them. So I figure if I find my own bread God will take care of me."

"So I can learn to run a strip club" more adventures in baltimore schools

2009-04-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

So I was sitting in an 9th grade class in inner-city Baltimore. The warm up on the board was "If you could choose to invest in any company what would it be?" Here is the exchange between teacher and student.

Student: I would invest in the prostitution farm in Texas.
Teacher: Why is that?
Student: So I can learn to run a strip club.

How the teacher kept a straight face is beyond me.

March(ing) into April

2009-04-09T06:45:00.000-07:00

For every free moment that seems to avail itself, I seem to have this compulsion to fill it with something. This had led me to be insanely busy. Here is an update on what I have been up too.

Lyndsey Takes on the Big Apple.

Yes, it is true I have lived in the Mid-Atlantic region of the west coast my whole life and have never been to NYC. But this March that changed. I drove up to Jersey to visit my good friend Mara and see the city.

The first day armed with a map, some cash and a train ticket I took on the city and the snow all by myself. I wont go into too many details because everyone has been to NYC but me and the last thing you want to hear is a travelogue of what I did. Except I will say that I did go to time square and well I hope to never got again. But of course I did form many opinions while visiting the historic sites of NY and unfortunately you will read all about those.

After seeing the garish Time Square and its surrounding "stuff" (couldn't think of a better word), I took the time to have my first Ruben. So yummy. I was a little ticked I spent $10 for just a sandwich but when I could only eat half of it I began to feel better about my investment.

Anyways I hopped on the metro all by myself and took a Ferry to Ellis Island. On my way I saw our Lady Liberty, the one who welcomed our ancestors. Ancestor's who did not harbor feelings of entitlement that our "Me generation" seems to have. They came willing to work and work hard to build something for thier families and in many cases they did. They built this country up. I wish today we would stop looking to government for answers and rely on their own ingenuity like they did.

When I got back to Manhattan I visited the place of our nation's finest hour. When George Washington was sworn in as president of the United States. And then just a 15 minute walk away I visited the site of our countries darkest hour, which because of discontent and inaction lays in a state of disarray and disgrace as a simple whole in the ground. I think it is symbolic of how we have not yet fully recovered, we are still factioned off and not united. Apparently according to Glenn Beck we haven't learned the lessons of September 12th, where darkness gave way to the light of good works, nationalism and heroism.

They heroes of September 11th deserve a memorial and every day they are denied that is a victory of terrorists. So I suggest we send a few stimulus dollars and spend them on something use full for a change and maybe employ some of our corrupt wall street friends. Either way the job needs to get done now!

Officially off the soap box now! The rest of my trip was lovely. I went to the Met and Central park. I think one day I need to just go a spend a full 8 hour day there. I went to the temple and ran into an old young women's leader. Ate popovers and hot dogs. And walked 18 miles!

Lyndsey Takes on a Marathon.

That is why I was keeping track of how many miles I walked around the city! I am training for the Baltimore Marathon in October. Quarter Life crisis what can I say.

Lyndsey Takes on less

After another insane semester I have decided that I am going to work more and go to school less in an attempt to pay off some debt. It was a hard decision but I came to the realization that my school schedule was taking away from my social life, spiritual life, and sanity. It will now take me an extra year to finish my program but I am okay with that. I am hoping to get a position as a teacher's assistant. My goal is to be debt free in a year and a half!

Well that is all guys. That is my life in a nut shell. I will keep you posted on any more of my adventures

Let your light shine in the face of darkness!

2009-03-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

I was livid and this time it was righteous indignation the purest form of anger; the kind of infuriation that inspires an unquenchable desire to action.

Many of you may have felt this way when a certain TV station defiled that which is most sacred and dear to Mormons. And yet the most difficult part was the feeling of powerlessness. Any action would have called attention to, increased ratings and fueled their fire. So the best action was in fact inaction. And that made me even more mad. Until my friend said, “Lyndsey you are a daughter of God you are just as powerful as he would want you to be.”And that had me thinking.

Maybe the best action wasn’t to do anything but let our light shine strong. Because light dispels darkness always, and that makes us stronger than Hollywood or Washington. So I ask you friends to be anxiously engaged in a good cause and be that light on a hill so that when our non member friends and neighbors think of Mormons they think of you not hollywood.

What is Charity

2009-02-09T07:46:00.000-08:00

Micah home teacher extraordinaire posted on his blog a forum on charity.http://micahelggren.blogspot.com/ I read the post and then pondered it for a while in relation to Relief Society. Out Motto is "Charity Never Faileth" but I feel like we are failing at this miserably. Baking cookies for someone and dropping it off on their doorstep in NOT CHARITY it isn't even service. It doesn't make me feel more special or loved.

To me Charity is selflessly doing something for someone that they cannot or that it would be extremely difficult for them to do for themselves. Feeding the homeless, tutoring children, working in the temple ect. I think it is about getting our hands dirty and not just for Mormons, for everyone.

The scriptures say that charity should be something we do begrudgingly and that we are nothing without it. Micah grapples with the times he gives service out of obligation or begrudgingly. But here is the deal we are human and therefore not perfect. The best way for me to illustrate that is tutoring. I used to hate it. My kid hated it and hated me and I hated trekking down to Columbia heights. But then as I started to work hard to maximize her experience and giving everything I had it got better and than it got rewarding and then I began to love it. I think in that situation I did achieve charity that is acceptable to God.

It is why the system of charity is so ingenious. We are on the Lord's errand by succoring someone in need. But often we gain the most by what we learn.

Kaiser's Army: The Beginning

2009-01-29T13:28:00.000-08:00

Hey friends. I wrote this story about my dogs mainly just for my family. But I have nothing really interesting to put on my blog this week so this is what you are stuck with. So if you are bored at work enjoy!

The sun brought out the red highlights of Kaiser’s sable and black fur, as he chewed on is bone in the warmth of the soft grass. He was enjoying a “day off” from the ordinary.

Most German Shepherds have very important jobs, some are police dogs, some do search and rescue others are fire dog. Kaiser has none of these jobs, but was important nonetheless. His job was to protect the home of his Owner and three children.

He spent most of his days watching the house while his Owner was at work, making sure that the three human children got home from school safely. First Sara would walk through the door, then Rebekah and finally Amanda. He worked very hard and took pride in his family’s safety, he loved them very much. Just like human’s do when they serve someone so diligently.

Kaiser wasn’t protecting the house today. Occasionally his Owner would take him to the construction site. Kaiser pined for the days, when he got to sit in the passenger seat like a human with the music on and his fur blowing in the wind.

It wasn’t as if being at the job site was that exciting. Often her would just walk around taking in the new smells and then find a nice sunny spot of grass. But he loved the extra attention and being able to spend time with his Owner.

Kaiser noticed him packing up his tools and took it as his cue to hop into his place in the front seat. The truck began to pull away and Kaiser stuck his head out the window enjoying the early summer breeze. Kaiser realized they weren’t headed home. This wasn’t too incredibly peculiar that would often stop at the store, or go to another job site before going home.

They pulled up to a white house with green shutters on a quant street off of a large road. It wasn’t quite as big as his own home, but it felt inviting. Like whoever lived there had yummy bones to serve.

He watched as three other dogs out of the house. The first was a round, stout, proud, Basset Hound with ears that almost touched the ground. He walked like he believed he ran the world, but this just made him look silly because his legs were just tiny stubs attached to a large barrel of a body. He hobbled instead of walked.

The second dog was large like a lion and had lots of puffy sable fur. He seemed as though he was the dog equivalent of a computer nerd, non descript, socially awkward with understated brilliance.

The last dog was a ten pound ball of white tangled fur. He galloped playfully like a child who had been given an ice cream cone. On second look Kaiser realized he was just a puppy, he guessed he was about 8 months old.

Kaiser had fond memories of being a puppy. He distinctly remembers the moment he crawled into Amanda’s arms for the first time. They would play for hours on the red carpet. He had to try to remember not to nip at her like he did the other puppies. It seemed hard to believe that was almost seven years ago.

“Bennie where are you going,” he heard Amanda say from inside the house as she appeared picked up the puppy for a few seconds and then put him back on the ground.

Kaiser became very confused. What were the human children doing here? And why was his Owner unloading the tools?

A blonde woman emerged from the house, kissing Kaiser’s Owner and then stopped to pet Kaiser.

“Welcome home!” she said

Before Kaiser could figure out that this was his new home his Owner had opened the gate gesturing for him to join the other dogs.

The three dogs looked curious about the new visitor. Although the Great Pyrenees was by far the largest, the Basset was clearly the leader of the pack so Kaiser approached him first.

“I am Kaiser. According to my Owner and the woman who I assume is your mistress I live here now. I have no idea why or what is going on.” He said in his deep voice that sounded like thunder that rolled across the plains.

The little one started to prance around his feet.

“Are you a police dog?” He asked.

“No” Kaiser said as if he has answered that question a million times.

“Well, then what do you do?” He asked even more curious and excited then he was before.

“I protect my Owner’s house and children,” he said.

“Those annoying little brats have been here for days taking all of my Mistresses’ attention.” The Basset blurted out.

Kaiser growled and the pounced towards the basset. He was so close that he saw nothing but teeth. The Pyrenees thought about defending the Basset but realized that although he was younger and bigger he didn’t have the strength of the Sheppard.

The Basset wanted desperately to think of something to say that would show his dominance to the Shepherd that was intruding on his pack. But he just wasn’t strong enough to back up his words and ended up saying “fine”.

Kaiser was now in charge and he knew it.

“What is everyone’s name?” he said authoritatively.

“I am Edgar” the basset said still fiery mad wanting to attack.

“Andrew” the Pyrenees said not seeming to care what happened just 5 minutes ago.

“My name is Bennington Dudley, sir” the white fur ball said, still in awe even if Kaiser wasn’t a police dog.

Kaiser smiled finding himself amused and in a slightly better mood.

“That is an awful big name for such a small dog.”

“People call me Bennie for short” he said.

There was a separation in the yard for the rest of the afternoon. Edgar the basset and Drew sat at one end of the yard in protest and disdain. Bennie on the other hand followed Kaiser around the rest of the day asking millions of questions. “Have you ever had to bite someone?” “Was your dad a police dog?” “What is you favorite kind of Bone?” Most people would have found this annoying, but Kaiser found an amazing amount of patience in the hero worship. After all, everyone wants to be liked and even dogs and no one in the house seemed to like him very much.

Light faded into dark and soon it was time for all of the dogs to come in for the night and eat dinner. The hostile feeling in the air carried over to dinner. Edgar, Bennie and Drew were highly agitated because the man the human children had come with made their dinner all wrong. Too much dry food not enough scrumptious meat and gravy. He put all of their food all of the wrong places and no one knew quite where to go. One would go towards on bowl and the other would push away or nip at the other.

After twenty minutes or so of chaos with very little eating everyone retired to the living room. But not a moment before Edgar stole a stick of butter off of the Human’s dinner table. The man yelled and him trying to get it from him.

“Serves you right for jipping me on my meat” Edgar barked back, defiantly as he took his plunder into the back yard.

One would have hoped that after dinner things would settle down for the evening. But that is when things really got interesting.

The human’s all found spaces on the couch. The mistress of the house took out three large tackle boxes of beads to make necklaces with the girls. Kaiser had yet to meet the mistress of the house and saw the perfect opportunity to introduce himself. It was just good manners.

Kaiser walked up to her, relishing in being pet. Edgar came from behind but between Kaiser, the beads and the human children there just wasn’t any space for him, nor was there space for drew who followed suite shortly behind Edgar. Who felt anger and jealously bubble inside of him like hot lava ready to explode into the air. He lounged at Kaiser, throwing his front paws over his back. He looked rather ridiculous on the back of such a larger dog.

“What is your problem?” Kaiser growled teeth glaring and ears pointed straight up.

“I am the dog of this house you have no business here and you certainly have no business fraternizing with my mistress.”

“I could rip you to shreds” Kaiser said. His short fuse of a temper had been officially lit.

“Not if your master pulls you away first,” Edgar said with a grin like the Cheshire cat

Humans don’t understand when dog’s speak to one another, like dogs understand humans. But they can understand the emotions of what they are saying. Kaiser and Edgar sounded as if they were in a bar room brawl, and Kaiser’s master was ready to pull them apart.

Kaiser voluntarily pulled back leaving the room in a rage.

Kaiser and Edgar stayed away from here and the split in the house had evolved to a full out war with alliances drawn. Bennie who didn’t like Edgar much anyways was on Kaiser’s side. Drew on the other hand could normally care less, but was upset at the upheaval in the house and therefore took Edgar’s side.

The tension in the room was interrupted by a nock at the door. Sarah hopped up to answer it. In walked a tall man with a button up flannel shirt. Kaiser immediately stopped thinking about how irritated he was with Edgar and fixated his thought on the man in the room.

Something about the man didn’t sit right with his stomach. He walked over to get a good sniff.

Nope there is something seriously wrong there, Kaiser thought to himself.

He tried to decipher what was being said, but they were speaking too fast for Kaiser to understand their human speak. Finally after a half an hour the man left, barely even sitting down. Kaiser hoped that he would never return.

The next morning, brought a little more order to feeding time. Although the other dogs thought that their new master was still stingy with the gravy. After breakfast three of the dogs pushed out the front door to play, while the mistress sat on the front porch and had a cup of coffee. Kaiser joined them as they ran gleefully into the fresh summer air.

Kaiser noticed that Bennie had skulked off to a corner.

“What is wrong champ?” Kaiser asked.

“They took my toy” He sniffled, “And then they called me a traitor because I was nice too you.”

Kaiser bent down and sniffed Bennie. Not in a curious way, or an introductory way, but more like the way an expert examines something to memorize and study it.

Bennie looked at him quizzically, but Kaiser didn’t notice as he had already taken off. He had begun to sniff around the yard scrupulously. He stopped and began to dig frantically, finally pulling something out of the ground.

He leaped what appeared to be five feet off the ground in excitement usually reserved for puppies.

He put the mangled stuffed rabbit in front of Bennie with a deep rolling laugh.

Bennie’s eyes got as big as a Doe’s. He was more in awe as the way Kaiser had found his beloved toy than excited about having it back.

“You are a search and rescue dog!” Bennie said with so much excitement you would think his little body would burst. “You aren’t just a K9Cop wannabe.” Edgar said from across the lawn.

“I know a thing or two about finding things. But I also know that I would rather be a K9 cop wannabe, then a dog who is a great big barrel of waddling fur who has nothing better to do then pick on someone a quarter of his size.”

Kaiser rubbed his snout lovingly on Bennie’s fur, sending him on his way.

Kaiser’s Owner came out of the house, kissed the new Mistress of the house and got into the truck and left.

Kaiser’s workday began with his owner’s. He got up from the yard, pausing for one large stretch and then walked through the door planting himself in front of the front door.

Edgar swaggered towards him.

“What are you doing?” Kaiser asked.

“Well if you must know I am guarding the house.”

“Why no one has ever broken in here.”

“I could care less what happens when it is just you here. Although I do feel bad for your mistress being so misguided in her choice of breeds. But while my human children are here this house will be secure.”

“Whatever you are missing all of the good TV, you meathead.”

Edgar said as he walked into the living room and pushed the T.V. on with his front paw.

“Well at least I serve a purpose other than eating butter.” Kaiser quipped

“Don’t nock it until you try it” Edgar replied.

Kaiser chose to take the high road and not respond.

Seconds later Bennie walked towards Kaiser looking nervous.

“Could… I maybe… learn to be a watch dog too?”

“You sure can.”

“It is simple every time a person, a car, a bird gets too close to the house or the wind blows too hard bark as loud and for as long as you can. This warns them to stay away from the house and warn the family that someone is near.”

“Is that all?”

“Well there is one more thing. It is the most important. When you hear siren of any kind you must bark even louder and then sing.”

“Why?” Bennie asked inquisitively.

Kaiser thought for a moment.

“I don’t know. It has just always been done that way, but my father told me it was important so it must be.”

“But… I don’t think I will ever be able to bark as loud as you can.”

“No, but they will hear you and that is all that matters,” Kaiser said.

“Yeah, with a bark that annoying everyone will hear you.” Edgar yelled from the living room.

“Don’t even waste your time with him, he eats so much he is going to turn into a log.”

Both Bennie and Kaiser laughed.

The rest of the afternoon Kaiser and Bennie sat side by side guarding the house, each taking and occasional break to get a drink or go to the bathroom. Edgar and Drew spent the afternoon rotating between watching TV, and lying in the sun. Drew would occasionally take a break to sleep on the air conditioning vent he waited for Edgar to return. Drew didn’t like the sun much because he was always wearing his thick winter coat.

By late afternoon, the family started to return home. Bennie and Kaiser went into a tailspin because there was a knock at the door very similar to the knock the night before.

The man entered without having the door opened for him but was greeted by the mistress of the house in the kitchen. Kaiser started to growl with his teeth showing.

“Hey you didn’t even bark that way when the mailman came.” Bennie said.

“Something isn’t right with this man. I can just feel it.” Kaiser said. “It is like when Sarah was small and she headed for the street when no one was watching. I couldn’t see what was going on but I knew something was wrong. Thankfully I barked loud enough for someone to hear.”

At that Bennie started to growl too.

“What is going on with you two.” The mistress said.

Kaiser backed down, but only to prevent himself from being locked into another room.

He was bound and determined to figure out why he felt so peculiarly about this man, even if it meant talking to Edgar.

“Do you know who that man is?” Kaiser asked.

“If I did know why would I want to tell you?”

“Because something about him doesn’t smell right,” Kaiser replied.

“Listen detective you aren’t a police dog you are a house dog now go get fat like the rest of us.”

Kaiser’s ears shot straight up threatening to attack.

“Alright, if he is a scumbag it would make a lot of sense he came with your Owner. I saw him loading the truck the other day before you got here.”

Kaiser was to grateful for the information to retaliate so he just muttered a quick “thank you.”

He spent the rest of the evening following the strange man around watching, and trying to find out any information he could.

He went to sleep that night with in front of the door, on edge with one eye open.

He was jolted awake by the sound of someone coming through the back door, he sounded a warning bark and ran towards the back of the house.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Sarah back later from a date. She was probably too late, but they had a deal. He kept quiet if she gave him treats, which she dutifully did as she talked into the kitchen. Some may have accused Kaiser of being derelict in his duties, but this wasn’t the case at all. Sarah’s boyfriend smelled like a decent human, who came from a very good pack or family as they call it. If they were caught sneaking in too late the Owner may not let them see each other. She would of course rebel and who knows what kind of unsavory character she would bring home. It was definitely in everyone’s best interest for Kaiser to receive his nightly snack.

Kaiser decided that he was tired of sleeping on the floor. He doubted there would be any danger tonight. He crawled into bed for the evening with Sarah for the evening.

His peace didn’t last long. He woke up to the dogs barking and the Mistress yelling at Edgar he was caught this time stealing Bacon off the table.

“Can’t that idiot learn not to get caught?” Kaiser groaned to himself, but then his own stomach started to growl.

“Breakfast” he barked.

Kaiser ran down the stair, pushed everyone out of the way and enjoyed his Saturday breakfast.

Bennie was done with his dinner and started bouncing around under Kaiser’s feet. Instead of getting irritated Kaiser smiled mischievously, and then took after Bennie chasing him through the house.

“You can’t catch me!” Bennie yelled back.

“I have been chasing rabbits much faster than you, since way before you have even been born.”

Bennie took one false step and landed in the small dining room with no exit. There was too much furniture to keep running. Kaiser backed him into a corner. Barking triumphantly! He was glad he finally caught him because he felt like his chest was going to explode and his joints may fall apart at that very moment. He was definitely ready to collapse on his favorite red leather sofa.

By the time the excitement was over the family seemed to be packing. They loaded the car with beach Balls, boogie boards, and bathing suits.

“What is going on?” Drew asked.

“They are leaving us,” Bennie said.

“They are just going on vacation they will be back soon!”

“Maybe whoever they get to feed us will do a better job,” Edgar quipped.

“It also means there won’t be any butter to steal off the table.” Kaiser replied.

Soon the house fell quiet, and the afternoon dragged on in silence

“Just as it had begun to turn dusk and Edgar was complaining that “the idiot man had forgotten to get someone to feed them”, they heard a key enter the lock of the front door.

In walked the suspicious man. Kaiser was aghast. Aren’t these humans better judge’s of character.

“Look it is your buddy.” Edgar said.

“Shut up,” Kaiser replied.

He followed the man closely, sniffing him often.

“What is your problem you stupid dog?”

“You,” Kaiser barked back.

He dished out everyone’s food and then left

“The guy can’t be that bad. At least he makes our dinner well, which is more than I can say for some people.”

The next few days passed uneventfully. The man would come, dish out their food and then leave. Kaiser began to doubt his own instincts and relax a little. He stopped following the man.

“How bad can he be?” He would ask himself.

Until one night Kaiser heard someone approach the house. Kaiser barked and tried to look out the side window. It was the man who was house-sitting.

Kaiser watched him intently as he backed a dark van towards the house. He walked to his owner’s truck and broke the window with a flash light.

Kaiser started to bark with his entire mite. The other dogs all rushed to the front of the house.

“Look Kaiser was right all of the time,” Bennie said beaming with pride.

For the first time, Edgar displayed the mark of a dog of great character. He swallowed his pride and joined Kaiser in the defense of the house.

“Stop,” Kaiser yelled.

“He is coming in.”

“I bet if we rush him we could get him cornered in the house. Just try not to let him back outside. Only bite him if you have too. Everyone look out for the one who is the next smallest.”

‘Who am I supposed to look out for?” Bennie said.

“Ummm Me” Kaiser said.

“Let’s go!” Kaiser said all four dogs ambushed the man.

“I’ve got the door,” Andrew shouted, taking his place like a soldier. He looked so fierce that one may have mistaken him for a lion.

“What has gotten into you guys? Calm down!” The man said.

Kaiser got even closer so that he was just inches from the man’s leg. Suddenly the man lifted his leg and kicked Kaiser so hard the he flew across the kitchen. Pain surged through his body, but he wouldn’t give up his house that quickly. But before he could get up to wage his second attack, Edgar had flown at the man growling and biting every where he could. Drew joined in with one paw towards the door and the other towards the man.

The man groped for the bedroom door, opened it and closed himself inside.

“What an idiot.” Andrew said. “Now all we have to do is stand watch at the door.”

“We did it we did it!” Bennie cried.

“Thanks to Edgar! You really bailed me out back there.” Kaiser said.

“No problem. I am just sorry I didn’t believe you.” Edgar replied.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon they all stood united watching the door, each taking a break every few minutes. Thankfully they weren’t stuck their long. Later that afternoon the family came home. The called the police as soon as they saw the broken window. They found their employee stuck in the bathroom and to Kaiser’s great relief were able to put two and two together.

Later that week the dogs walked in from playing outside to find Edgar spooning on the couch with his new Owner.

“What gives” Drew said. “I thought you hated him”

“Well ever since the break in he has been giving us extra food and the other day he took me for a ride in the car. And he watches a lot of TV which means I don’t always have to turn it on myself and then turn it back off when someone comes home. But other then that he still gets on my nerves.”

They laughed. Kaiser, Edgar, Andrew and Bennie formed a great pack, playing with a looking out for each other. And they lived happily ever after, well at least until their next great adventure.

A ski resort, a prison, and some four letter words

2009-01-12T07:34:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I don't always need to have something prolific to say to post my blog. So my goal is to write twice a month whatever adventures I may stumble upon!

This weekend Me, Leah and Ginna (Rommies Extraordinaire) ventured up to Deep Creek lake for snow tubbing and bonding. The trip up was so beautiful that I started to rambled on about how I couldn't wait to move to the back country where I would support myself by breeding German Shepards and growing Christmas trees.

Quirky situations seem to follow me like a lost puppy dog and this trip was no different. We arrived at our adorable hotel situated right across from the Hazelton, West Virginia Federal Prison! They didn't mention that on Expedia.com! We entertained the idea of pretending we were visiting our men in prison but somehow never followed through! That would have been blog-fodder for weeks!

That night it was off to the slopes. We suited up, wrapped up and bundled up (picture a Christmas story) and trecked up the huge hill on a giant long treadmill armed with our tubes. I can't say my assent was completely anxiety free! Looking up at that mountain and the people speeding down was not at all comforting.

I get up there and find that a bunch of punk teenagers have been put in charge for $6 an hour! Felt seriously so safe. They explained to me that they learned in AP physics that if they spin me down I will go twice as fast! I politely told them I was scared enough and preferred not to be spun.

The next thing I knew I was doing 360's down a mountain going about 40 miles per hour (according to Mr. AP physics) . Screaming you little ___ well those of you who know me can probably complete that sentence. Despite being frazzled I made it up the mountain to apologize and go back down again. I later found I have more control and the ability to stop by flinging myself off the ledge on my stomach. Scary the first time but a total blast afterwards!

Anyways, the next morning we went for another two hour tubing session (my idea to go on a winter stroll along the prison gaits was nixed). Afterwards we waited in some other hotels' lobby while Leah went skiing. Felt like such a rebel or just a loiterer! We headed home after is started raining at a 27 degree temp!

More pics to come soon!

Why I Celebrate Christmas Not Winter Solicist.

2008-12-14T13:15:00.001-08:00

As the world gets more secular and determined to wage war against religion Christmas seems to be without "Christ" this year. We seem to be celebrating winter solicits. Our ward went caroling and doors were slammed in their faces. The season seems void of Nativities, Santa and Rudolf. Each year I look forward to listening to 97.1's Christmas music. But I turned it off this year because I got sick of hearing Jingle Bell Rock and Songs about parties and gathering with friends instead of the birth of the savior.

To make matters worse an organization has begun a campaign against Christ this year. Instead of decorating our buses with cheerful signs of the season they have purchases ad spaces that say " Why Believe in God. Be Good for Goodness sake."

Members of the small campaign against the signs have been called,"Zealots" and "Irrational". But I believe that our atheist brothers and sisters have asked us a question that deserves to be answered. I believe in God because there is more evidence that he does exist than he doesn't, because just as I can't prove God Exists, they can't prove he doesn't. But those are just the rational reasons why I believe. I believe because I know him. He has been there in my darkest hour and also my happiest. The reason I know him is that I have made an attempt to know him.

As for the "Be Good for Goodness Sake." We aren't being good, in fact I think our country is turning into Gotham country. We have Governors selling Senate seats, the White House outing Valarie Plum, Wallstreet bigwigs stealing 50 million from clients including charities, states attorneys exploiting young girls into prostitution and that is just to name a few. These people can't represent the American people. I know the American people and most don't act that way, so we need to figure out what it is about ourselves that is causing us to elect these people. And then oust each and every one of them.

The fight for Christmas may seem small, but it is an indicator of the direction our country is going in. So let your light so shine, bust out the nativities and stand up for the Christ in Christmas!

Dicey Tillerman

2008-10-30T18:59:00.000-07:00

Have you ever loved a book so much you felt like you had a spiritual connection with it?

I was in 4th grade when I picked up Homecoming and met thirteen year old Dicey Tillerman for the first time. She was the oldest of four. One summer day on a journey to visit their Aunt Cilia thier mother abandoned them in a mall parking lot. Instead of going for help she decided she would make it to her Aunt's house herself. So she packed up her three brothers and sisters and walked from Connecticut to Rhode Island. Aunt Cilia had died leaving them to live with their cousin who wanted to split them up into foster homes. Dicey had a family to protect and foster homes wouldn't do. So what did our Hero do? She packed up her family again and off she set to track down her grandmother in Maryland where she found her family a home. But one where she continued to to care for her brothers and sisters and work diligently.

I had a summer of my own when I was 14. My Alcoholic mother got a protective order against my father kicking him out of our home and banning him from even contacting us. Like Dicey had taught me years before I had a family to protect and there was no way in hell my sisters were staying one more night in that house with my mother. So I started to yell as loud as I could the cops ( yup I cussed out a cop or two and didn't get arrested!) and I was successful. The powerless cops dropped us off at our grandparents. I remember looking at my sisters on the bed next to me and thinking how much I loved them and had a responsibility to protect them. One might think this was a horrible burden but as dicey Said, "In a way I considered myself lucky."

After a week my sisters got sent back to my mothers. I knew one of us had to stay out of the house. So the next morning I called my Dad's lawyer and was told to run away and hop into a taxi and meet him at the court house. So I did. It is amazing the details you can remember in those situations like the song on the radio. Every time I need to do something hard I listen to Madonna's get into the groove. After a battle all summer and sleeping on my dad's random friends couches we ended up back in our house as a family minus my mother.

I read the sequel to Homecoming Dicey's song. But I didn't know there was a last book seventeen against the dealer. I picked it up having a sneaking suspicion that Dicey had another lesson to teach me. I met back up with her when she was 21 She had a dream to own her own boat shop, so she worked really hard, realized her dream and then lost it. Just like I did with Law school. She learned that there was another path that still gave her what she wanted but was very different than she has imaged. She realized her family needed her and they were what was important in life. She also learned how to live life and not fight for survival all the time. That one I might still be working on!

"Wow we can cut our cocaine with this stuff!"

2008-10-29T17:07:00.000-07:00

This is definetly classified as a misadventure. As some of you may know I have been working with inner city kids. Tonight we broke into groups and prepared lessons for them . Our group decided to teach them the states of matter using obleq, which is a mixture between cornstarch and water. I thought I was doing a adequate job of getting my message across but apparently not. You see one of my cohorts overheard our students conspiring to cut the cocaine they sell with cornstarch. Here is the problem. You snort cornstarch it is going to get stuck in your body because it is going to become solid and eventually you will suffocate. If I got my message across my students would have known that. So not only have I failed as a teacher I have helped them kill their fellow drug addicts. I guess that is just all in a days work of an aspiring teacher!

The Tampon Aisle

2008-10-08T20:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys gotta vent! And anyways at some point in your life I am sure you will venture into the baffling world of feminine hygiene and need to pick up a box of tampons so consider this preparation.

I am already in a bad mood not for any particular reason just because I can can be thank you very much. I am also in a hurry because I need to get home and eat the entire box of oreos in my cart. So I peruse the store in search of the "sanitary needs" aisle (no joke that is what it is called). Now I am not in a bad mood just because. I want to find a gun and track down the CEOs of Tampax and Playtex who are probably men because no woman would charge another woman 8 dollars for a box of tampons!!!!!!! What misogynist thinks it is okay to capitalize on a woman's need to menstruate in order to propagate the human race!!!! The thing that ticks me off the most is that I don't have a choice I have to buy them. I am at the mercy of these misogynists!

I could understand if I was buying this amazing innovative product. But really cotton and plastic??They haven't changed a whole lot in the last 30 years you don't have to employ a team of scientists to figure them out, you don't really need to advertise there ain't that many choices and we gotta buy em.

And that is the problem I don't have a choice and there ain't a whole lot of competition so they can charge me whatever they want. Where are the Anti trust laws when you need them? I mean really??Well thanks for letting me vent of my disgust as someone getting rich off my monthly woe!

Indomitable Emma

2008-09-21T20:50:00.000-07:00

When I began to read Mormon Enigma by Linda King Newell and Valeen Avery I thought I knew who Emma Smith was. She was the vilest of traitors that Mormon mythology had unjustly sainted. But through reading this book I met a new Emma. She was strong enough to withstand any foe, one of the most educated women of her time, and had a heart that served just about everyone including her second husbands illegitimate child. She was a midwife, a teacher, a scholar, a mother, a wife, a stateswoman and a leader. She was smart enough to navigate the legal systems on her husbands behalf and negotiate the sale of land and the financial affairs of her family. She made her mistakes as we often do when our feet are held to the fire and our principles tried. She was quite the indomitable woman and deserves her exalted place in history.

" Ma'am You can get pierced today for half- off"

2008-08-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

Yet another fun filled weekend at Ocean City where apparently you can get pierced for half off and buy a tee-shirt that described thousands of different activities that can be done naked.

I was three when I took my first trip to Ocean City. I loved building sand castles and filling daddies camera with the leftover sand. but when it came time to go play in the water I was less sure about this new adventure or maybe misadventure. I curiously walked up to the shore in my red and white striped bathing suit and stuck my toe in the water.

"Are the waves alive like animals" I asked

"Yes I think they are" some idiot replied, and to the other side of the beach I ran. And thus began a life long love hate relationship with Ocean City.

Every year it seems I pack up my car with anticipation, grab a diet coke and head down the all too familiar route 50. I get to my destination drop my bags and then head down the the beach.

I carry several books down with me set up my towel and chair and bask in the sun. But then I start to get hot and irritated because there is sand everywhere. So I walk down the the water to cool down a bit. I swim out into the ocean (by now I have realised that the waves are not like whales.) and usually within 4 minutes I wipe out getting a mouth and nose full of salt water. So I go back on the beach. But now not only am I covered in sand but so is my Diet Coke with is scorching hot. I am officially sick of the beach.

This trip was no different with he exception of deciding to avoid the water. Except it managed to hunt me down. As I sat a safe distance from the shore enjoying Twilight and falling madly in love with a vampire who is somewhere between 17 and 117 years old, water started rushing towards me like the blob soaking everything in its path with salty, sandy yucky water.

The one redeeming factor is usually the sea food. Hooray for yummy crabs! I sit down for a highly anticipated bowl of Maryland Crab soup and they serve me Campbell's not even Campbell's but store brand veggie soup. They didn't even make an attempt to put a little crab and ole bay in there. Nothing just imitation Campbell's. I don't even want to think about how many real cans of Campbells I could have bought with the money I payed for one bowl.

So why do I get so excited every year when I feel like the only redeeming factor is the outlets? Then I realise it isn't the beach that occupies my fond memories it is the people I am with when I go to the beach. There is something fun about laughing at your crappy crab concoction. Teasing your friend when they get wiped out. Or running from the blob of water chasing you down. So I will again next year speed down for another summer in O.C.

How I decided what I wanted to be when I grow up twice!

2008-08-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

The Great Katharine Graham once said, "what I essentially did was put one foot in front of the other, shut my eyes and steped off a ledge the surprise was that I landed on my feet." Last August I felt as though I was field goal kicked off a ledge and was flying aimlessly into space groping for anywhere to land.

You see ever since I was a child I wanted to go be a lawyer and put all of my chips in that pot, never considering doing anything else. So when I didn't get into my program I felt lost finding myself unemployed and living with my parents with no idea where to go next. I felt like my whole identity was stolen from me and I was floating aimlessly into space. I desperately applied for jobs and took the first one offered to me. What was supposed to be a glamorous marketing/HR assistant position ended up being a receptionist position, which entailed spending 8 hours a day doing nothing. Not only was a robbed of my dream, my nightmare had become my daily reality. I asked myself why the heavens closed and God didn't help me?

I sent 11 months hating getting up in the morning and going to work for eight miserable hours. I applied to every job I could find and every graduate program that I thought would take me. Even entertaining random career paths such as cattle farmer and park ranger. Can you picture it?

Eventually giving up I decided I would try and set other goals in my life to see if somehow a path would form. So I started training for a 10k and crossed the finish line. After that I threw every ounce of energy into preparing for the temple. The prospect of one of my dreams coming true got me through the day.

One day I made a list of things that I wanted to do instead of jobs I wanted to have. I wanted to never work in an office again, do something with history, work with young people, be able to think and get more education. Then the thought came to me as clear as day "You want to be a teacher duh." At first I resisted the idea. There was nothing glamorous about being a teacher. Teachers don't get to wear stilettos heals and cool cloths. They don't get to take over the world. But then I got a letter from my Great Great Great Grandfather. Well not literally. You see he was the president of a University and he had wrote a journal article to teachers about the importance of their role. He said " Our profession is not without monuments. The various textbooks of the land- the great works of the practical teacher will afford aliment for coming posterity and will be handed down from one generation to another as benefiting monuments to thier authors. Which are more enduring then storied urns or animated busts" All of the sudden I realised I don't like wearing high heals I break the heal all the time and I don't want to run a world that I don't like most of the time. I can do more to change our broken world from the classroom.

The problem was that after the LSAT and having a degrading job I lost all confidence in myself and thought I would fail the Praxis. But running the 10k and going to the temple had changed something for me. I had set lofty goals and accomplished them both. So I gave it a shot and passed by a mile! 4 weeks later I was accepted to a graduate program at UMBC in teaching. I haven't been so happy in a long time. I will substitute teach my way through school, can't wait to write about those stories.

I am not sure I would have been happy as a lawyer. Apparently God's plan was better than mine from the beginning. But who knows where this life will take me. I do know that Katharine Graham was right I landed on my feet, I will always land on my feet.

Who writes these things anyway???

2008-08-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

I have caved and reluctantly entered the Bloggernacle of cyberspace. I thought it was arrogant to think that anyone would care enough to take a moment out of their day to want to read my rantings and ravings. But then I stumbled across the "Seriously so blessed" blog and it became my crack! So funny! She is a satirists writes a witty piece on young Mormon married life. She is using her talent to enrich the lives of others and setting a standard for quality. But that is not the only blog I read. I love reading my friends blogs.

Alas a blogger was born and I was inspired to take a gander at it myself. I haven't been writing as often as I should and they say if you don't use it you loose it. I think about peculiar things that someone might find interesting and I do have the craziest adventures.

So with that I plan to use this as my sounding board for updates on my life, weird ideas and theories, my crazy adventures, political rantings, ravings on what is wrong with the world and maybe the occasional spiritual thought. And if no one reads them than that is okay by me because I got to work on my writing! I hope you enjoy my musings and misadventures